Monday, June 20, 2011

Pattabhi Jois was a Yogi Pimp!

In Mysore, India, students of the late yoga master, Sri K. Pattabhi Jois, discovered his private journals. The Ashtanga Yoga Institute plans on posthumously publishing these notes, accrued over the guru's lifetime, in early spring of next year.

Along with B.K.S. Iyengar, Mr. Jois, formed the cornerstone of American yoga practice. It is for this reason that these journals, discovered after the guru's death, have proven so controversial.

Amidst these posthumous revelations about the private life of one of contemporary yoga's most recognizable elders many former and long-time students have come forward to verify the statements made in these handwritten notes.

Portions of the journals have been leaked on various online discussion boards. An online avatar, named Wiki-Guru, claiming to be a 20-year veteran of ashtanga yoga, posted the following extracts from the late guru's diaries.

"I bring the 'Yo' to 'Yoga.' None of these haters know how to please a 'yogi-gina.' My lingam can unlock those granthis tied up in all of dem yonis."

Apparently, Mr. Jois' term for female yogis was a play on words indicating vagina in the last two syllables of his take on yogini ('yogi-gina').

The guru further added, "I place dem yogi-ginas with their ankles behind their ears, like Shiva bending Shakti. Then I peal back the lotus petals of their goddess portals and shove my siddhi powered lingam into the yoni-verse until the amritananda (blissful nectar) bursts. The only thing I want after that is savasana."

And his response to all the 'haters' out there who questioned the integrity and necessity of his rough and often inappropriate adjustments in his yoga classes, he wrote, "These asuras (demons) don't know shit. I can only assume they got vamana sized lingams. I'll shakti-pat those moola bhanda boyees with my vajrayudha, then eviscerate their sushumnas with my sudarshan chakra."

Jois went on to say, "One hair from my linga patch is a potential virabhadra, dem haters better watch out... I ain't no Buddha."

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