Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Aliens leave Signs of Vagina Worship

Strange formations, that were once believed to be natural, have been found to have extraterrestrial origins. SETI (a scientific institute that "Searches for Extraterrestrial Intelligence") released a statement confirming the findings on Monday June 27.

A SETI researcher stated at a press conference in Roswell, New Mexico, "It is clear that there is not only definitive evidence that alien life exists but that these galactic beings are intelligent and, even more astoundingly, are goddess worshippers. Anthropologists have long believed that before the priests, before the brahmins, before the structures built by men was the vagina. It is not hard to fathom that our much more ancient and wise galactic cousins would themselves be worshippers of the yoni... and may have even planted the seeds for our own human traditions of goddess adulation."

The larger implications of this discovery have been enumerated by tantric yogis the world over. As one tantrika stated, "It is clear that these "yoni crop circles" are ancient, thereby solidifying the celestial origin of the vagina as not only a pre-historic reality but also an inter-galactic portal for awakening."

Sex guru, David Deida, released a statement saying, "In modern times we know that a longing to worship a "cave with lips" is not born from a regressive impulse to return to a state of pre-consciousness but is actually a longing to enter the portal of awakening... the male longs to unite with his source. Alien consciousness would be much more in tune with this absolute truth than they're much more primitive cousins, i.e. us."

In the words of Susan B. Anthony, "If the world was ruled by human beings longing to enter the sacred vagina we would have no war, no famine, no more corrupt governments. We would be free of strife and conflict. It is precisely because we are a culture that does not value vaginal penetration that we are in the mess we are in."

Christians have championed this discovery stating, "Anal sex has come to predominate the popular consciousness. Christ is speaking through these vaginal formations to declare the importance of traditional marriage." Even tantrikas have come on board with this message. The famed tantric master, Guruji, wrote in an email to the Boston Globe, "the goddess disdains anal sex."

Secretary of State Hilary Rodham Clinton said in a formal address, "We must respond appropriately to our wise elder cousins of the universe. If we had a culture that positioned the vagina as the motivation for young men to make money, contribute rap music, art, and buy expensive things our economy would immediately recover. If sentient beings strived to achieve great things in pursuit of the yoni the world would not only be a better place, all conflict would cease and we would enter a state of utopia."

President Barrack Obama said in response, "The yoni is our doorway to a more perfect union. Jai Ma!"

No comments:

Post a Comment