Monday, March 28, 2011

Simulacra: Shiva Lingam Manifests in Sea Vegetable

Devout tantric yogis across the globe are rejoicing over the divine manifestation of Shiva's engorged penis in a sea vegetable. As one tantric devotee stated, "Here in America, up until recently, the divine was only willing to show itself in images of the Christian faith, which is nice and all but can be a little puritanical. As a worshipper of the sexual energy inherent within all things I've been waiting to see a religious image of a genital organ manifest itself on a piece of toast or as a shimmering mirage underneath a tree somewhere. I never expected to find it in the ocean!"

The religious symbol is being held at the city aquarium where devout tantrikas are flocking to it in the thousands.

As one security guard at the aquarium said, "I've never seen so many people get excited over a mushroom tip."

Dr. Guspacho, a psychologist at Temple University, stated, "This is a unique phenomenon for the West. Usually examples of religious pareidolia have to do with the Virgin Mary or Jesus. I wouldn't be surprised if we see this happening more as yoga and other Asian religious traditions grow in popularity here in the West."

It seems that Dr. Guspacho was correct as more and more religious findings are being reported by local grocery stores.

As one grocer commented, "You'd be surprised by how many things look like genitals in the produce section of a market. The inside of figs. Cucumbers. Carrots. Mushrooms. Cashews. Bananas. Hell practically everything in here looks either like a cock or a vagina!"

Even more miraculous is that people are discovering that in their crotch region is a divine manifestation of Shiva-Shakti.

One tantrika stated, "I was going to the bathroom and then I had the most profound spiritual revelation... God was staring right back at me from the area of my pubic bone. I started worshipping instantly and then God anointed me with the ambrosia of heavenly nectar... it shot right up into my face and from that day onward I knew that inside my pants was the incarnation of the divine."

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