Thursday, March 17, 2011

The Secret Wins Nobel Prize

Headline news all over the world today is The Secret's nab of the Nobel Prize in Physics. Once viewed as a self-help film directed towards gullible Americans, based upon pseudo-science, it is now the darling of Stockholm.

As one physicist gushed, "My wife has given me Esther Hicks as my fantasy freebie. If I see that gorgeously mannish woman I will do my best to have that one night of carnal ecstasy... I mean as they say, 'follow your bliss.'"

To which his wife added, "Well, as we all know, if he wants it he gets it... it's the law of the universe."

"Yup," said Stephen Hawkings, "The law of attraction is the most powerful force in the Universe. Esther Hicks, Deepak Chopra, and Wayne Dyer have forever changed the face of contemporary physics. I've had to reevaluate all of my previous research in light of The Secret and the Abraham/Hicks monumental book Law of Attraction/Ask and it is Given."

Other physicists have even bigger questions. One scientist worried, "What keeps me up at night is the knowledge that any little kid can dream up a monster or a dinosaur... some kid from the Bronx could manifest Godzilla or King Kong.... which would essentially end all life on earth."

Another scientist added, "Even worse still... what if that kid manifested an earthquake or an asteroid that would destroy planet earth? This is the reason why I try to counteract all negativity and doomsday events with powerful positive thoughts each and every day..."

MIT and other venerable institutions have set up around the clock positive intention groups to avert natural disasters, while Homeland Security has issued 24hr meditation groups at each airport terminal.

In a more positive light, the World Health Organization has now stopped all medical care in developing countries, opting for new translations of The Secret to be sent in lieu of doctors and nurse practitioners.

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