Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Oral Sex: The Cure for What Ails You

Tantric authority, Guruji, has declared that the West can only be saved from its rampant materialism through oral sex. In his effort to correct the sexual disorders incurred through technology and the spiritual vacuum of modern life Guruji has selected American born Messiahs to convert the West as a kind of reverse spiritual colonization.

These messengers of tantric love are trained in linga and yoni pujas (fellatio and cunnilingus respectively) and are instructed to perform these sacred ceremonies on as many sexually deviant Westerners as the laws of time and space allow.

In a letter to one such tantric messiah Guruji wrote, "I hope you can heal many thousands of people through linga puja (fellatio) and therefore make the world a better place." He further added, "Of course, you'll do this for money... otherwise it will cheapen the sacredness of the ritual. People must pay so they value the service and don't feel any emotional obligation to you."

A Harvard professor who once worked with Kinsey commented, "Finally somebody is doing something about this... I mean all I see all over the news and pop media is anal and vaginal sex... when will America learn the therapeutic value of oral pleasure? At the very least for our children's sake... we have to think seven generations ahead. And training an army of paid professional seems like the only way to avoid social disaster... at the moment we're facing a crisis where people have sex free of charge and are forming unhealthy emotional bonds."

No comments:

Post a Comment