Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Finger Gymnastics Proven to Activate "Big Mind"

In a landmark study conducted by Harvard researcher, Mike Hawkkitches, it has been discovered that by manipulating the shapes of the phalanges (the "finger bones") one can induce altered states of consciousness. Brain scans have shown marked activity in the frontal parietal lobes of the brain among adepts of yoga mudras (the practice of contorting the fingers into geometric designs) when they twist their fingers into the shapes of the human genital organs. Research suggests that over extended periods of practice the human brain settles into a global state of bliss (alpha waves) or as one adept put it, "one-mindedness." Researchers are now in talks with the national, state, and local school boards to actively encourage children in the school yard to engage in the "four-handed-look-at-the-vagina" game. In cancer wards across the country and in group therapy sessions Americans have now adopted this form of finger gymnastics in order to improve the health of the brain and, as some believe, cultivate Enlightened Consciousness.

One Harvard professor commented, "Who knew that making your hands into the shape of a penis or a vagina could turn you into the Buddha?"

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